Talk to Thanks for the Feedback like its author wrote you back.
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What it argues
Thanks for the Feedback is Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen's follow-up to Difficult Conversations, this time focused on the receiving end of feedback rather than the giving end. The counterintuitive premise is that most feedback literature addresses the wrong problem: it tries to help people give feedback better, while the real leverage is in helping people receive it — because receivers can't control the quality of feedback they get, but they can control how they use it.
Stone and Heen identify three types of feedback: appreciation (thank you for your work), coaching (here's how to improve), and evaluation (here's where you stand). Most feedback conflicts happen when the giver and receiver have different ideas about which type is happening. Someone who wants appreciation receives coaching and feels criticized. Someone who needs evaluation receives encouragement and is misled about their actual standing.
What it gets right
- 1.
The leverage in the feedback system is in the receiver, not the giver. You can't always get good feedback, but you can always improve how you use what you receive.
- 2.
Three types of feedback — appreciation, coaching, and evaluation — serve different needs. Mismatches between what's given and what's needed cause most feedback conflicts.
- 3.
Three triggers block feedback reception: truth triggers (this seems wrong), relationship triggers (I don't trust you), and identity triggers (this threatens who I am).
What it covers
Who wrote it
Douglas Stone is a Lecturer on Law at Harvard Law School and a partner at Triad Consulting Group. Sheila Heen is a partner at Triad Consulting Group and a member of the Harvard Negotiation Project. They are both co-authors of Difficult Conversations, which has sold more than two million copies. Stone and Heen have consulted with a wide range of organizations including corporations, government agencies, and educational institutions. Heen has also delivered a TED Talk on the subject of feedback and is frequently cited in management education programs.
