Maybe You Should Talk to Someone book club questions

1. 1.

   Gottlieb describes being resistant to examining herself with the same directness she applies to her patients. Where in your own life are you more willing to analyze others than yourself?

2. 2.

   The book argues that most people seek therapy wanting to change their circumstances rather than themselves. If you went to therapy, what would you want to change — and how much of that is actually about you?

3. 3.

   Wendell, Gottlieb's therapist, doesn't say much, but what he does say changes how she sees her situation. What does that tell you about what good advice actually requires?

4. 4.

   The newlywed patient drinks to manage anxiety she can't articulate. What do you do to manage anxiety that you might not be fully acknowledging?

5. 5.

   The dying patient's situation forces everyone around her to confront the question of what they'd do with their remaining time. What would you answer honestly?

6. 6.

   Gottlieb writes that people often confuse the story they tell about their life with the life itself. Where is the story you tell about a part of your life different from what might actually be happening?

7. 7.

   The Hollywood producer can't see his own role in his problems until a specific moment in the book. What would it take for you to receive feedback about a blind spot you currently have?

8. 8.

   She describes the therapeutic relationship as itself therapeutic — being heard without judgment as a transformative experience. Where in your non-therapeutic life have you had that experience, and how rare is it?

9. 9.

   The book covers about a year of Gottlieb's own therapy. What does sustained, slow-moving work on the same issues feel like compared to the faster solutions most self-help promises?

10. 10.

    Gottlieb is simultaneously a therapist and a therapy patient. Does that dual position make you trust her account more or make you read it more skeptically?

11. 11.

    The book suggests that most human suffering comes from avoidance — of truths, feelings, or changes we know we need to make. What are you most actively avoiding right now?

12. 12.

    She ends the book in a different place than she started, though not in the place she expected. What would arriving somewhere unexpected after sustained effort look like in your own life?

How to run the discussion

• Pick six to eight, not all of them. An hour of real discussion covers fewer questions than anyone expects, and racing the list is what makes a book club feel like homework.
• Open with what people noticed, not what they concluded. Asking for a verdict first hardens opinions before anyone has heard each other.
• Let the disagreement run. The questions below that split a room are the ones worth the time; the ones everyone answers the same way can be skipped.
• Ask the quiet person a specific question. A direct, narrow question is far easier to answer than an open invitation to contribute.