Thanks for the Feedback book club questions

1. 1.

   Think about feedback you've received that you dismissed. In retrospect, was there a grain of truth in it you missed at the time? What would you do differently now?

2. 2.

   Which of the three triggers — truth, relationship, identity — is most likely to block your reception of feedback? Can you name a recent example?

3. 3.

   Stone and Heen argue that the quality of your feedback reception matters more than the quality of feedback you receive. Do you agree? What's your evidence from your own development?

4. 4.

   Have you ever been in a situation where you needed evaluation but received coaching instead — or vice versa? What was the cost of the mismatch?

5. 5.

   What's your current system for getting feedback on your most important work? Is it working? What would you change?

6. 6.

   Relationship triggers mean the giver's relationship with you contaminates how you hear what they say. Who gives you feedback that you systematically under-weight because of how you feel about them?

7. 7.

   The switchtrack pattern — responding to feedback with counter-feedback — is extremely common. Have you done this recently? What was the effect?

8. 8.

   Identity triggers fire when feedback threatens a core self-belief. What's a belief about yourself as a professional that would be hardest to hear challenged? Is that area where you're most resistant to feedback?

9. 9.

   How do you distinguish between feedback that's genuinely wrong and feedback that's right but uncomfortable? What's your heuristic?

10. 10.

    Stone and Heen say most people leave enormous learning on the table through poor feedback reception. What's the learning you've been leaving on the table?

11. 11.

    What's the most useful feedback you've ever received, and what conditions made you able to use it well?

12. 12.

    How do you create conditions in your team for honest feedback to flow — both upward and sideways, not just downward?

How to run the discussion

• Pick six to eight, not all of them. An hour of real discussion covers fewer questions than anyone expects, and racing the list is what makes a book club feel like homework.
• Open with what people noticed, not what they concluded. Asking for a verdict first hardens opinions before anyone has heard each other.
• Let the disagreement run. The questions below that split a room are the ones worth the time; the ones everyone answers the same way can be skipped.
• Ask the quiet person a specific question. A direct, narrow question is far easier to answer than an open invitation to contribute.